E3 2016. The Remaster

This summer’s E3 is going to feature one guaranteed big title remaster, that being Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age. There are also rumors (I’ll have you know auto correct put tumors. Hilarious.) of Skyrim being remade as well. 

I’m not here to talk about the news. I don’t have the sources and rapidity for that. I’m here to talk about how WEAK Remasters are getting!!


DMC was one of my favorite games of last generation. The fan boys can jerk their shit all they want to the original but they’re actually old men now and might have trouble getting it up even solo now. 

All sophomoric assaults on geriatric libido aside, I was enraptured by the crunchy kills and tight relentless combat flow. It felt much like an entire ecstasy fueled night in some euro trash molestation dive without any need to ask your doctor about that genital itch the following Monday. It was perfect. 

This perfection was what drew me to get the remaster on next ten consoles. I was blinded by my nostalgia all beit recent, the 1080-60 porn of advertising didn’t help either. 

But when I got it it just didn’t honestly feel different. Visual upgrades and a few new game modes are really a wasted opportunity for what is possible this generation. 

The past is the past. Let it stay classic. Meanwhile time moves forward and if Sony and Microsoft really want this generation to be as mind blowing and definitive as I know it can be they need to stop wasting millions of dollars and man hours reproducing stuff for quick profits in the short term. I’m not a Bernie Jr. by any means but I want to see them make long lasting visions that will make PS3 games look like good old, and I mean old, crash bandicoot does to us today. 

What are your thoughts? Do you think you’re really enjoying the Remasters or are you awaiting the next classic?

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